Overcoming Social Anxiety During the Holidays

It’s the Holidays! Welcome, Social Anxiety!

It’s the holiday season and we all know what that means: Peppermint mochas, jingle bells, and the insanity of gift buying. Oh, and holiday parties. Lots and lots of parties. If you live with social anxiety, the holidays don’t bring joy. They bring stress.

Knowing that the season is upon us, I reached out to a group of people who live with social anxiety to get their tips on how they social situations during this busy season.

Here’s what they had to say:

Connect with Your Breath

As a yoga teacher and student, I manage anxiety by connecting with my breath. This simple technique always centers me and settles my nerves, and over the years it’s helped many of my yoga students too. Before heading into a social setting, allow yourself a few minutes to sit and be still (on a train on the way to an event, in your car when you arrive, or if you need an extra dose of calm, in the bathroom at a social gathering).

Sit comfortably and close your eyes. First, begin to simply notice the breath; there’s no need to change it. After a few breaths, you might find the breath naturally becomes a little slower and softer. If not, that’s okay too! Each time you breathe in, silently say to yourself, “I am inhaling peace and ease.” Each time you exhale, mentally repeat, “I am letting go of tension and anxiety.” Continue for a few minutes, until you feel your mind becoming calm and quiet, and a sense of ease washing over you.

Marita Dortins
http://www.yogawithmarita.com

Having a Plan for Gatherings Reduces Social Anxiety

As an addictions nurse, I often work with people who have social anxiety. And I’ve found
having a plan in place for holiday gatherings to be of great benefit. Having a plan gives you
some control over the situation and helps bring your anxiety down to a more manageable
level.

Things to think about when planning include, deciding what time to arrive, how to approach
people, what you’re going to talk about, and what time you’ll leave. Some people need to
plan down to the tiniest detail, as the fewer decisions that need to be made on the day the
less opportunity there is for anxiety to creep in.

It’s also important to have an emergency plan in case you’re overwhelmed or have a panic
attack. Make sure you have a safe space where you can go to calm yourself and regroup.
With the right planning, it’s possible to have a fun and joyful holiday season.

Audrey Chalmers
https://gumnutsabroad.com/

(Keep reading below for more!)

Essential Oils Can Ease Social Anxiety

One of the best natural remedies to overcome social anxiety is to use essential oils. Oils work differently for each person, so a little trial and error can let you know what works best for you. Also, essential oils for social anxiety can have a cumulative effect. So just because you try it once or twice and it doesn’t work well does not mean that it will not work. Give each oil at least a week trial, but two weeks is better. The longer you use it, the better your results should be.

The essential oils I recommend for social anxiety are:
• Lavender because it’s calming.
• Bergamot because it reduces cortisol response.
• Copaiba because it uplifts mood, can ease a troubled mind, and help calm stress and anxiety.
• doTERRA’s Balance blend because it is grounding and calms anxious feelings.

Allison Shorter
https://HealthyLivingInColorado.com

Take a Trusted Friend with You

My best tip for handling parties is to take along a trusted friend who is aware of your social anxiety and who is willing to act as your support. You will feel less self-conscious and less stressed having a friend with you who can act as a buffer in your interactions with others and who can take over the conversation if necessary. Your friend will feel honored that you trust them enough to ask for their emotional support in this situation.

Ingrid
https://www.fabulousandfunlife.com.au/

Stop Predicting and Start Listening

For us socially anxious folk, the holidays can really set off that fight-flight response. A few years ago, I started analyzing why this is the case. I also asked friends who shared my social anxiety.

What I found was that a lot of our time is spent predicting what other people think about us. This floods us with negative thoughts – Am I making people uncomfortable? Do they think I’m weird? What will I say next? etc.

This predicting only has one effect – instead of seeing things as they are, we see things as we think they are.

I’ve since started to use busy periods like the holidays to stop predicting and start truly listening. This has had several impacts on the quality of my interactions. Firstly, truly listening to people is actually quite effortful and exhausting. This leaves little space to be anxious because you’re absorbed in others rather than your own insecurities.

I’ve also found it much easier to have flowing, enjoyable conversations that feel natural, not forced. Instead of feeling deflated after conversations, I’m left feeling energetic. And every time I do it, it gets easier.

So remember these holidays, don’t predict – just listen.

David Hutchison
https://www.paidsurveysfanatic.com.au/

Give Yourself a Pep Talk

Despite being a pretty social person, I find socializing with people I don’t know hard work. That’s especially the case when I’m attending a work function as my husband’s plus one and it’s a sea of strangers in unfamiliar surroundings.

One tip I’ve found that works to ease my anxiety is to give myself a little pep talk beforehand. I tell myself that I’ve got nothing to prove, that these are all just normal people that are also probably not at their ease. It doesn’t always work 100%, but it certainly goes some way to calming those jittery nerves at the start of an evening!

Clare Dewey
https://www.epicroadrides.com/

Focus on the Moment

Anxiety can and does ramp up during the holiday season.  There seems to be a plethora of Christmas parties and end of year social events all crammed into the one month of December.  Then there is Christmas Day – a fantastic day in many ways but one that may also create time with certain relatives that you would rather not spend any quality time with at all.  The busyness of the holiday season does not always bring peace to those who become highly anxious in social situations.

It is for these exact situations that mindfulness is perfect.  Mindfulness allows us to just be and enjoy the moment we are in, rather than allow ourselves to think too far ahead.  Mindfulness keeps us in a good conversation at a party rather than thinking about how to start the next conversation with someone else when this one is over.  Mindfulness allows us to enjoy the festivities of the holiday season rather than thinking ahead to all the social events overflowing the calendar. Mindfulness allows us to be grateful for the family and loved ones we have rather than on the chance that a certain family member may make you feel uncomfortable.

Shannon Crozier
https://theschooledparent.com

Flip the Script: Find the Other Person Dealing with Social Anxiety

Find the person that looks more nervous or anxious than you and talk to them. They’re probably sitting or standing by themselves, fiddling with some appetizers or their phone. Go talk to that person.

By flipping the script to giving rather than receiving, we automatically release ourselves from the focus of our own insecurities. Additionally, doing this helps to create an atmosphere that will allow others – like the person you’re talking to – to stop focusing on their own insecurities and gain confidence.

Altering our perspective this way helps overcome the anxieties that so often hold us back. Over time, it can help to build the confidence we want, and teach us how to interact with better ease and less stress.

Casie
https://themilitaryhomestead.com/

I’m grateful to everyone who took the time to respond and share their tips. Hopefully, you can use some of these to help you manage this season with a little less stress!

Which of these tips do you find the most useful? What are some other things you do to manage your social anxiety?