Future Care Minimizes Your Tougher Cycles

This article on Future Care is another in our series on Depression. You can find the first article in the series here.

We All Have Down Cycles

I recently went through a depression. It was awful. However, it was less awful than prior depressions, and I figured out why: I planned for my depression.

I didn’t think of it that way, but as I reflected on the experience, I realized there were things I did to care for myself in a depression.

It got me thinking: I know that depressions are part of my life. They are inescapable for me. So, if I know I’m going to have this experience, I can intentionally plan for it.

I don’t have to be a victim of my depressions. I don’t have to fly a white flag and surrender to the misery. I can take action and care for my depressed self. It’s a message my counselors sent repeatedly during my depression and anxiety classes, although I didn’t understand it at the time.

While this experience was about depression for me, it works for anxiety, mania, and other negative cycles we experience as part of our disorders. Future care isn’t about depression, it’s about anticipating storms and caring for ourselves.

Here are some ways future care showed up for me:

In my last depression, I was grateful to Past Teresa. Past Teresa took good care of me by building out friendships. Past Teresa trained my mind against the messages my depressed brain sent me.

Past Teresa figured out meals that would stretch for a couple of days so that Depressed Teresa didn’t have to think as much. Past Teresa saw the depression coming on and went grocery shopping, so Depressed Teresa didn’t have to.

Past Teresa took excellent care of Depressed Teresa.

Now, I’m building on these lessons and looking at how I can support Future Teresa when she struggles. I’m thinking of this as ‘future care’: what can I do now to help that future version of myself?

As I reflect on my past depression and where I am now, I can see that my sleeping patterns and sleep hygiene are out of whack, so I’m working on that.

Pretty soon, I’ll be making up a big batch of beef stew and chicken pot pie that I can freeze so Future Teresa won’t have to stress over grocery shopping or run out to McDonald’s to avoid cooking.

My last depression also revealed some “stinkin’ thinkin’” I still struggle with, so I’m addressing those thoughts with my therapist so Future Teresa hopefully won’t have to.

I made a list of the ways that my friends helped me in my last depression, so Future Teresa can pull it out and show it again when she needs it.

I shared this idea in a support group, and Samantha shared that she has a future care plan for herself on her bad days: For days when showering feels overwhelming, she keeps a kit with dry shampoo, baby wipes, and deodorant. That’s her backup shower plan.

Key Principles to Future Care Success

As I’ve been thinking more and more about Future Care, I’ve realized that there are a few key principles to our success.

1. Start with the one or two things you know are most challenging for you.

For me, cooking goes out the window and eating fast food fuels my negative thinking. Anything I can do to minimize my need to cook or resort to fast food is beneficial.

For Samantha, showering is one of her biggest challenges. Having a backup plan is critical to her ability to leave the house (for work, for social events, etc.) on her bad days.

We all have those few tasks or details that we know are our biggest struggles when we are depressed or deeply anxious. Identifying those and coming up with alternatives is a huge way to take care of your future self.

2. No step is too small.

We are all at different places on our journeys. I didn’t cook when I started mine, and I had no way to identify how helpful having a food plan would be for me.

Similarly, I know I’m ready to take on exercise. That said, I have a lot of hang-ups over exercising. I know getting into a regular fitness routine will help Future Teresa tremendously, but the idea of hitting the gym twice a week overwhelms me.

So I’m starting small. My goal is to walk for five minutes a day. As I get in the habit of walking for five minutes, I expect I will extend it, but that’s not what’s most important.

What’s most important is that I know I am doing something for myself in an area where I traditionally struggle.

When you think about your future care, do the same: start small.

3. Intentionally limit what you will do to care for your future self.

Not only are we at different points on our journeys, but we all also have different levels of capacity. A single mom with three kids at home doesn’t have the same capacity as an unattached 20-something. A depressed 20-something doesn’t have the same capacity as a neuro-typical 20-year-old.

If you are like me, the desire to feel better and “get through this” as quickly as possible is strong. We want to check the boxes and move past the experience rapidly, so we start doing everything: we start exercising, change our diet, journal, set up lots of coffee dates, dive into our financial situation, open all the mail, etc.

It’s too much, no matter how mentally healthy you are. Research shows that making too many changes at once means a lower likelihood of success.

So, the key to success means keeping your changes small. That’s why I’m starting with only five minutes of walking every day.

More, I won’t allow myself to go over the five minutes, no matter how good I feel or how easy it would be, or anything else my mind tries to tell me.

Additionally, the only change I am making to my lifestyle at this time is adding in the walking. I’m not also changing my grocery shopping or journaling practices or modifying my mindfulness habits.

One change. One small change. That’s my limit.

If you genuinely have additional capacity, then you may consider adding one more change. If you do this, stop at two, please. Small, long-term successes have more merit than large, short-term wins.

4. Give yourself credit.

If taking care of our future self was easy, we would already be doing it.

Let me say that one more time for the people in the back:

If taking care of our future self was easy, we would already be doing it.

Inhale that statement. Really take it in. What we are asking of ourselves is not easy. Full stop. No caveats.

So, every time you practice future care, celebrate it. I don’t care if you post something on Facebook (although if you post in the Wounded Birds Ministry group, we will celebrate with you!), put a gold sticker on a calendar, or treat yourself.

Your victories are victories. Celebrate them all.

Future Care Builds Upon Itself

One last point as we wrap up: I’m finding that the more I do to take care of my future self, the more I am able to do to take care of my future self.

Switching from constantly eating out to cooking wasn’t an easy transition, but it made it easier during my last depression. Now, I’m in a position to cook ahead for Future Teresa!

This may sound silly to you, but I’ve realized how helpful having a made bed is for me. I practice every morning making my bed, and I usually change out my bedding weekly.

One thing that held me back was waiting for the bedding to complete the washing and drying cycle before bedtime, assuming I even had the energy to start laundry that day. To make this easier on myself, I picked up two spare sets at the local warehouse store. Now, I can have fresh sheets without doing laundry!

Practicing future care is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. Depressed Teresa felt really loved by Past Teresa. No matter how small the effort, caring for your future self will make you feel loved, too.

What’s one small thing you can do to care for your future self? What stops you from doing it?