Your Past Does Not Define Your Future

I recently read an article on Medium called 10 Tips for My Teenager. It was one of those moments of confluence in my life: Harper, my tween, is very nearly a teen these days. The pace of change in her interests, maturity, conflict resolution skills, and goals is becoming more teen-like by the minute.

It’s fascinating to watch my little caterpillar grow into the beautiful butterfly God designed her to be.

Her changes mean I have to change, too. My role in parenting her is shifting from rule-setting and disciplinarian to coach. As I think about the wisdom my mother passed on to me, I think about the legacy I want to leave with Harper. I think about her future.

So when I read that piece, it was kismet. The thoughts that had been floating around the back of my head coalesced into a single, cohesive idea:

Your past does not define your future.

Anyone who invests in the stock market has seen the disclaimers: Past performance is not an indicator of future results.

Investors know that the past is the past. The future is unwritten. A stock’s amazing performance over the past 10, 20, even 30 years doesn’t mean that the market won’t change or that new leadership won’t destroy what so many carefully built. When we think about this, it becomes clear that the past doesn’t define your future.

As I think about the wisdom my mother passed on to me, I think about the legacy I want to leave with Harper.

This is true in other direction, too. We cheer on the turn-around stories, when a new leader steps in and with focus and determination, guides the failing company back on to stable ground. Those positive experiences don’t define your future, either.

Three years ago, investors were calling the demise of Best Buy. Investors who sold in 2015 would have lost on a doubling of their money; the stock is currently at its highest price in 5 years.

We understand this reality when it comes to stocks and companies; why is it so hard to believe about ourselves? Why do we believe that the mistakes in the past define your future?

For example, here’s some of my story:

I dropped out of college at 18. I joined the Army, learned Japanese at a world-renowned language school, and finished my service by the time I was 22.

All my friends were graduated from college. I was working temp jobs. I went back to school periodically in an attempt to “catch-up” to my peers. I felt hopelessly behind. I worked for several tech startups and found myself laid off from one in 1999 and unemployed again when the second shuttered its doors in the wake of 9/11 and the Dot-Com Bust.

Then I moved after a hard breakup, to a new city where I knew very few people. Then, a year later, I moved again — this time to Detroit, where I knew no one and didn’t have a job lined up.

Your past does not define your future.

My financial struggles dogged me. I was a single parent partnered with a deadbeat dad at 28. Meanwhile, my friends were getting married and starting families: doing things the “right” way.

My identity was defined by my failures. I could start strong, but not follow through. I struggled financially; my car was repossessed — twice. “Pay Rent or Quit” notices were monthly postings on my apartment door, and I learned how expensive it is to get the water and electricity turned back on.

Not only have I overcome my past, but I’ve also witnessed people in their 60s and 70s overcome addiction and similar challenges — and change their lives.

I was (objectively) a terrible mother to my growing toddler, who needed stability and consistency at a time I was incapable of providing either. I worked for a company with a terrible culture and limited growth opportunities.

This is not the part where I share that I found Jesus and magically transformed my life. That’s not my story (although later, I did find Jesus). As far as I was concerned, “your past does not define your future” did not apply to me.

Instead, as I lay at the rock bottom of my personal Hell, I got a text from a girlfriend, encouraging me to apply for a position I was entirely unqualified for but that offered a significant pay increase and a move out of retail and into the corporate sector.

It was too late for me, and my situation meant it was probably too late for my toddler, also.

I didn’t have high hopes for securing the role. I didn’t have expectations that I could change my life. What I did know was that I had survived so far and learned how to fight along the way.

It was work, tough work, to land that job — but I did. It was hard work and sacrifice to get myself back on a financially stable footing — but I did.

I met a man (now my husband), and I didn’t want to sabotage this relationship the way I had all my prior ones. So I went to therapy and started doing the hard work to heal (at this time, I was misdiagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder).

I tripled my income over four years and entered the executive ranks, learning new skills along the way.

We hear all the time that with a little focus we can change our lives, but I didn’t believe it. If you described my current life to my 30-year-old self, I would have called you a liar. I felt stuck in my poverty, a statistic in single mothering, and I didn’t see a way out.

It was too late for me, and my situation meant it was probably too late for my toddler, also. My past defined her future, too.

Now I look at this, and I laugh — compassionately — at my younger self.

The truth is, we can accomplish a lot in a very short period of time. At 30, a year felt like forever; now I look back and see how quickly a year goes by.

I’m not here to tell you to take advantage of the small moments and to work harder and smarter and more efficiently. I am here to tell you that there’s hope.

Not only have I overcome my past, but I’ve also witnessed people in their 60s and 70s overcome addiction and similar challenges — and change their lives. Your past does not define your future.

If you described my current life to my 30-year-old self, I would have called you a liar.

The apostle Paul is an inspiration to me in this regard, as well. He went from persecuting Christ’s followers to becoming one. He paid the price in the form of lifelong imprisonment, yet he changed his life from prison. Paul may not have chosen his environment, but he did choose how he wanted to live.

We all make mistakes, but our mistakes are not our identity. There is so much more to me — and to you — than mistakes, errors in judgment, bad decisions, medical issues, mental health challenges, traumas, abuse, or whatever the past holds.

The future is still unwritten. We are not tied to some unseen Fate, dictating the order of our lives. We have the freedom to choose, to choose our identity, to design the future we desire, and to create that future for ourselves.

I don’t know what you have in your past. I don’t know what Harper’s future holds. All I know is that our past is not a life sentence. The future is unwritten.

What story will you write?